Motivation

Recently I have felt a lack of motivation with respect to climbing. Since I have moved from Tennessee back to Colorado, there have been very few lines which have caught my eye and excited my mind. There have been very few lines which keep me up at night while I dream of their movement, texture, and surroundings. The shape of the holds, the grittiness of the stone, the subtle movement of the hips. It's a shame. Is it that I'm slowly falling out of love with climbing? Although, to me, it feels funny to communicate those thoughts, that is the nature of my relationship with climbing. I am constantly itching to go, but I have no singular focus like other climbers seem to have. I have never been one to go out with an agenda. I am here today to tick this, this, and this. In fact on days I do go out with an expectation of sorts, I fail miserably. However, I do have an innate desire to improve, to form a larger schema of climbing movement, to climb more fluidly and with greater control, style and flair. But that is a result of human nature more than a reason to undertake climbing. Show me a climber who does not want to improve, and I will show you the exception to the rule.

There once was a lot of stability in my climbing. I don't mean in terms of movement or technique, but rather the atmosphere of my climbing. I had my partners, my gym, and my favorite pair of shoes. Now it seems as if my climbing constantly tends towards entropy. I don't necessarily feel as though sharing moments outdoors with a variety of people is a bad thing whatsoever, but it certainly does affect my level of motivation and psyche. Considerations such as will my partners give me a good belay, a safe spot, and friendly smile come into play in my mind, and very much determine my level of climbing. In the end it is a weakness, because I understand the root cause comes from insecurity. Occasionally the opinions of my partners matters, even though I know it never should. Climbing is an individual pursuit.

Tomorrow I boulder with a good friend of mine, a partner I trust, a partner I have built a connection with, and who motivates and keeps me in a zone where I can have a singular focus. Tomorrow, I shall return to what brought me in the first place.


An image from the early days. Backside of Senitas.