Farewell, But Not Goodbye

When I started this blog 2 ½ years ago, the intention was to keep my friends and family aware of activities, and my thought process through those activities. This blog has evolved in terms of my readership, my writing, and my content. Honestly, I am no longer comfortable with this blog, and my nature to share thoughts with whoever chooses to land on this page. I feel burdened and pressured to write meaningful posts and as of late it feels forced and contrived.

Recently I had a conversation about ego with a good friend of mine. Blogs, pictures, and video have been stroking my ego in a very stealthy manner, and only recently have I understood my motivations to share such materials on the internet. This blog is a component of my online persona that I have cultivated through the years, and I am no longer comfortable in my online presence. In fact over the last few months, I have slowly been pulling away from social networking sites, and general time spent online. I feel I need to find my roots, spend my time more wisely, and re-evaluate all that I am. Too much time has been wasted grooming this fake persona for the sake of my own ego, so I can receive recognition for activities which are ultimately mine to keep in mind, in body, and spirit. I feel I have devalued those experiences by not only constantly reliving them, but also have not done them justice by restraining how much and how deeply I write about them for the public eye.

Loyal reader, I’d like to thank you for your continued support. It’s not you, it’s me. The doors on this blog are closing. When my motivations are pure, I may start a new blog with a much narrower scope of topic. Life is too big and too personal, and does not align with my values by sharing it with the world.

I will continue to update my photography blog at http://saidphotography.blogspot.com/. I will also update this one with information if I choose to start a new blog in the future.

Always Yours,

Said

Life on the edge.

The Prologue

I can feel the bubbling up from deep in the depths of my character. An explosion of meaning with profound internal impact. The pursuits that once gave me meaning have fallen off the wayward side, in favor of new passions and purpose.

Like a river the essence of my being seems to constantly be changing. In fact, 5 years from now, the only thing certain is I will have a completely different perspective on life as I have now.

I feel I am slowly but surely pulled away from main stream society. A place I never felt at home in. The friends I have known since before my adventurous pursuits comment with harmless remarks like ‘You are a mountain man now’ and ‘You are always gone.’ The pursuits that bring happiness to my life have in a very real way alienated me from my peers who do not share my passions, and could not understand my motivations. Motivations derived from experiences so powerful, they demand residence in every fiber of your being.

This is a sacrifice I willingly make.

To the desert, it will reveal something bigger.

But our trip was different. It was to be a classic affirmation of everything right and true in the national character. A gross physical salute to the fantastic possibilities of life in this country. But only for those with true grit. And we are chock full of that, man. - Hunter S. Thompson

A Few Photos

Lunch at the Y

Photo By Scott Rogers

Who you gonna call?

Germ Free Adolescence.

Peace in Penitente

How beautiful life can be when you choose to surrender yourself to the powers that be. A rather large group of us met up in the San Luis Valley for a little climbing at Penitente. This was my first expedition there, and it is truly a magical place. I describe many places I've experienced through my climbing eye as magical, but the essence of the San Luis Valley is different. Constantly caught up in the clutter and proximity of the city, the vastness of the San Luis Valley captures the imagination. I felt insignificant amongst the open space and beauty there. Who am I to have even a selfish thought when I have the opportunity to experience another Rocky Mountain masterpiece.

The moment when you roll back home are sometimes the best and worst of the trip. Responsibilities you lived free of for a few hours hit you like a freight train, ready to trample your high spirits, and force you to forget the subtle lessons of the day. This time I'm fighting the urge to transition back to the way I usually live. I don't intend to forget my responsibilities, but rather keep the free perspective gained on every trip with good friends. Those moments can be fleeting, but that is why we demand and force ourselves back into the wilderness, back to the simplicity of life there. All we can really do in life is sustain our happiness, even when that happiness is hidden behind a wall of despair and suffering.

"You must understand the whole of life, not just one little part of it. That is why you must read, that is why you must look at the skies, that is why you must sing and dance, and write poems and suffer and understand, for all that is life." - Jiddu Krishnamurti

Frank on Bullet in the Blue Sky.

Dean finding peace on How the West Was Won during a 92% full moon.

All That You Need is Within You.

Life has funny ways of surprising you.

"The Dreamers are the saviors of the world."
-James Allen

Don't ever stop dreaming.

Midnight Rock

Do we make stories, or do the stories make us? Perception is a funny thing. It can create enjoyment out of the mundane, or make the most interesting and bizarre a ruined experience.

Today we ran into a male nudist while out at Dream Canyon. I'm not one to infringe on how someone chooses to enjoy nature. If you feel getting buck naked, becoming vulnerable to ticks, and molesting a pine cone is your way of enjoying nature, more power to you. But is there a line that can be crossed when you disrupt the enjoyment of others who do not share your passion?

This experience got me to thinking, how often do we as climbers force our experience upon others? Lets face it, we are an obsessed bunch, and when we're in a room together, there is little room for conversation away from our passions. That's all good and well, but there's always a point when those not acquainted with the vertical realm feel uncomfortable because they can not add anything meaningful to the conversation. Does a social responsibility exist to make them feel included, change topic, or inquire into their passions?

...Probly not, they're just not real enough to rock climb.

Ian on Voila at Midnight Rock.

Devestation

"Our passion are the true phoenixes; when the old one is burnt out, a new one rises from its ashes."

-Johanne Wolfgang Von Goethe

This last week I lost over 12,000 photos and all my music because I made the mistake of not backing up my data. I long to look at my old photos, the digital age is both a blessing and a burden. It puts me in a funny place as I know its an opportunity to start fresh, to look at the world through a new perspective, but I can't help grieving for that which I no longer have access to.

This last weekend, an awfully large group of us went to Vedauwoo and crashed Becca's house. Bodies were all over the place, but this group is an amazing one. Each individual is a blessing, and love is contagious with us. Hugs are had on an hourly basis, and despite the failings of the day, I feel fulfilled around this group of people. We've developed a family this summer, and there is a special place in my heart for each and every one of them.

The climbing at Vedauwoo is interesting, not at all what I expected, and I happened to have the most success on dynamic problems. The setting was perfect, the leaves had turned color, and the atmosphere magical. If you haven't experienced Vedauwoo, I certainly recommend it.